It seems like only last year that I was ridiculing COP26 – when the annual international let’s-really-really-fix-climate-change-this-time circus rolled into Glasgow – and here we are again.

This year’s host is Egypt, a country that can’t even bring itself to protect its own citizens from its own authoritarianism. Some hope they’ll help rustle up a plan to defend the earth from death by carbon.

(Still, next year’s event, COP28, is being held in the UAE – an autocratic state that additionally farms more hydrocarbons than you could fit into the boots of all the Honda Jazzes in the world. Where’s COP29 going to be? Skaro, the Daleks’ home planet?)

Anyhow, let’s not be too cynical, and find out how things are going at COP27.

Britain’s latest PM initially announced that he couldn’t make it; then he declared he could. Speaking at the event yesterday, Rishy-washy Sunak said the UK would be tripling funds to help poorer countries adapt to CC to £1.5bn – additionally, he’s looking forward to announcing a very big natural gas deal with the US. Hmm.

Elsewhere, UN Secretary General António Guterres warned the world’s dozing leaders that the planet is on a “highway to climate hell”. Guterres has developed a reputation for actually caring about CC and taking it very seriously, so he’s somewhat out of step with the rest of his brethren. The Telegraph, probably, is calling him ‘a woke, weak, weirdo’ or words to that effect right now.

Talking of the Telegraph, it’s indignant that Scotland’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, is attending COP27, and has urged its readers to ignore her as she’s “an irrelevance”. Former UK PM Boris Johnson is, of course, also in attendance, for some reason. Not sure and couldn’t possibly guess what the Telegraph has to say about him.

Meanwhile, French president Emmanual Macron told delegates that the US and China, as the world’s greatest polluters, need to “step up” and “pay their fair share” towards fixing the climate mess. I can imagine the Chinese and Americans in a rare moment of total agreement: two words for Monsieur Macron.

What else? Bermuda’s prime minister, Mia Mottley, slammed the world’s rich countries for making themselves rich at the expense of the world’s poor ones, while simultaneously saddling them with the worst effects of CC.

She said: “We were the ones whose blood, sweat and tears financed the industrial revolution. Are we now to face double jeopardy by having to pay the cost as a result of those greenhouse gases from the industrial revolution? That is fundamentally unfair.”

Indeed, it is – possibly, in a world of astonishing unfairness, one of the most unfair things ever. She then warned that CC is likely to create a billion refugees by 2050 if nothing’s done, a comment sure to prick up the ears of many for whom CC denial and refugee horror exist side-by-side in the same brain.

Tune in next week for more COP27 news, perhaps.