Get out the champagne – it’s another record! Or actually, maybe that should be, get out the Prozac, as we’re ‘celebrating’ the world’s hottest ever day.

On Monday, the planet’s average temperature topped 17C for the first time since half-decent records began towards the end of the 19th century.

And this is merely the beginning: weatherish types expect Monday’s record to be smashed again and again in the coming months – so plenty of work for global warming denialist types to undertake on Twitter.

Scientific types who study climate through the prism of science reckon the record temperature is due to human-generated carbon emissions and the famous El Niño phenomenon teaming up to cuddle the globe in blankets of uber-heat. They’re brothers in arms!

Monday down here on Earth hit an average temp of 17.01C, beating the previous record of 16.29C in August 2016.

El Niño experts believe the recalcitrant weather system is going through a bit of a phase that will see it growing more potent over the coming months, meaning more menace. Of course, it’s doubtful the human propensity for releasing vast quantities of carbon is going to ease up over the next few months either, which is unlikely to help.

Somebody called Karsten Haustein, who works at the University of Leipzig (though I don’t know in what capacity), enthused/warned/despaired: “Chances are that July will be the warmest ever, and with it the hottest month ever: ‘ever’ meaning since the Eemian which is some 120,000 years ago.

“While southern hemisphere temperatures will drop a bit in the next few days, chances are that July and August will see even warmer days yet given that El Niño is now pretty much in full swing.”

Reacting to the news, all the world’s governments and private industries called an emergency meeting and issued a statement declaring an immediate cessation of planet-destroying activities. No, they didn’t.

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Coming soon: the world’s first carbon border tax.

From October, the EU will start to steadily enforce a tariff on planet-destroying emissions linked to products imported into the bloc.

The 27-member mega-state already has a levy on goods produced within its borders, but sly types have been moving their factories and other places that make things out of the EU’s boundaries, only to ship their yields back in, thus avoiding the charge.

The carbon border tax is designed to put a stop to all that chicanery.

Currently, producers within the EU must fork out 80 Euros (yes, I can’t find the Euro symbol on my keyboard) for every tonne of carbon dioxide they produce.

I doubt anything could enrage anti-EU types more: the hated institution using the GLOBAL WARMING SCAM to line its own pockets? That’s worse than training gay refugees to administer Covid vaccines. I wonder what Laurence Fox thinks about it all, if indeed the verb ‘think’ has any true meaning when applied to him at this stage in his life’s journey.

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It’s widely felt that forests play some sort of vital role in maintaining planet earth’s life-giving qualities – thusly, it’s long been held that obliterating them is, from a continuing-existence-perspective, a no-no.

So, how are things going on that front?

Not very well, you may be surprised to learn (I wasn’t): forestry destruction increased by 10% in 2022 compared with 2021, the World Resources Institute’s Global Forest Review reveals.

According to the review, “tropical primary forest loss in 2022 totalled 4.1 million hectares, the equivalent of losing 11 football (soccer) fields of forest per minute. All this forest loss produced 2.7 gigatonnes (Gt) of carbon dioxide emissions, equivalent to India’s annual fossil fuel emissions.”

Brazil experienced, and I imagine continues to experience, far and away the greatest share of global tropical forest loss in 2022, with the country still no doubt reeling from the maniac polices of its former president, the dim psychotic Jair Bolsonaro.

And it’s not only Brazil. According to the WRI, rates of forestry loss in the Democratic Republic of Congo “remains persistently high”.

Luckily, here in the UK we’re fully committed to a mass rewilding scheme, aimed at restoring the rich woodland that once covered these depleted isles that’s been reduced to 2.5%. Not really.

Anyway, you can read the WRI’s whole appalling review here.