Looking forward to the World Cup? Those who actually have to be in attendance at the costly kickabout might not be. Already facing the indignity of being part-hosted by a country that has launched two illegal wars this year (so far), while deploying state-sanctioned armed squads on the streets to murder its own citizens, predictive spoilsports are now warning that players and fans alike could be seriously afflicted by hazardous temperatures and humidity.

A thing called World Weather Attribution reckons climate change has made it likely that around 25% of matches at the FIFA-run, junk food-sponsored sporting bonanza will be played in temperatures above 26C on something called the wet bulb global temperature system – which if you haven’t heard of before (which I hadn’t until I read this) is an index that contemplates how efficiently the human body – which many of us own – can cool itself down.

So, will the competition present a dire peril for teams and their followers? A spokesman for FIFA said: “If the money’s good, we’ll do it. Happy to be out of jail.” Only joking. I was going to phone their press office – but I couldn’t be bothered: these people gave Donald Trump a ‘peace prize’; what could they possible have to say about anything that would be worth printing?

Anyhow. As it further disintegrates into populist slush, the UK government has announced that its pledged contribution to the UN’s Green Climate Fund is to be slashed by 50%.

Originally promising £1.6 billion over 2024-2027 to help developing countries cut their emissions and adapt to climate change (which the UK has played a large part in causing), the retracted £0.8 billion will now be spent on “security” – bombs, guns, jets etc, I presume, or maybe on burglar alarms – to the absolute orgasm of Daily Express, Mail, Telegraph readers, who cannot abide money going to foreigners unless they happen to be American weapons manufacturers. Weird, isn’t it, but here we are.

Harjeet Singh, director of the Satat Sampada Climate Foundation, is pleased with the decision, calling it “a fine move”. Only joking. He actually called it “moral bankruptcy” – to which our cherished ministers smirked: “Have you met us?”

Interestingly, in this week’s King’s Speech, Charles 3.0 said “my government will remain a leading advocate for tackling climate change and achieving a world free from poverty”. “My” government indeed. Actually, he’s welcome to them/it.

So, Pakistan and India. The neighbouring countries now have something else in common besides their enduring animosity: climate scientists have said that heatwaves in the high 40s are no longer freak events but can be considered the new normal in the states. It doesn’t get any better, does it?

It really doesn’t. Yet another former British colonial possession, Nigeria, has been warned that climate change is a direct threat to the country’s economy, security and national stability.

Samuel Onuigbo, a one-time member of Nigeria’s House of Representatives, has said that flooding, desertification, drought, coastal erosion and rising temperatures are damaging livelihoods and destroying infrastructure, with the dwindling Lake Chad Basin being a fine example of the abysmal shambles his country is facing. Said Sam: “Communities dependent on the lake for survival experienced displacement, economic collapse, forced migration and social instability.”

Oh well, but maybe it’ll all blow over?

What else; what else can I tell you about concerning this dire, self-inflicted, theoretically-still-somewhat-avoidable pig’s ear of a fiasco that virtually nobody in a position of power seems to have the slightest interest in tackling?

Oh! Donald Trump reckons that the UK is “windmilling itself to death” by refusing to drill for oil in the North Sea (which it still is) and putting up wind turbines instead. Kemi Badenoch, Nigel Farage and other intellectual heavyweights strike similar poses. And that right there is where we’re at. Have a good weekend.